Enhance Your Life With the Urban Dictionary

I spotted a link to the Urban Dictionary on someone else's blog and thought I'd check if our names are defined on there ... they are so here you go, enjoy:
Helen means:
"fly girl with a nice booty, great looks and sexy laugh. likes to tease and get what she wants. she's good for the WHOLE NIGHT. described as "bangin'"

what...a...helen... *drools*"

Mark means:

"A name usually reserved for a pimp or playa of some sort. Macks tons of bitches, and has the respect of everybody.

Everybody wishes that they could be Mark."

I won't comment on the accuracy but given some of the other definitions I read it could have been a *lot* worse.

You can add your own definitions and put in for amendments of existing ones so if you were that way inclined there is vast scope for some passive aggressive revenge against those who have crossed you.

Everyday Matters - Week 5 Challenge - Bed

Click on the picture below to avoid eyestrain ...

'And So to Bed'

I thought that I would have to tidy up before I could do this challenge but then I realised that I'd probably never get round to it so there you are, our messy bed with my heap of clothes on one corner of it. Imagine what delights you could be in for as the weeks continue ... our bath complete with tide mark, our kitchen floor with unswept crumbs and some dried-on catfood ... oh you lucky people!
Our bedroom actually isn't too bad at the moment (it's all relative!) but I am genetically untidy (and at the same time freakishly aware of the location of all our belongings which is handy)so it's an ongoing battle to maintain a clear pathway to the bed and avoid ankle injuries in the night.
Being unemployed has meant that some new bedroom rules have developed to keep me from driving my husband mad (he works from home you see): First off, no-one stays in bed later than Mark on a weekday (i.e. no later than 8.55am) - unless they are genuinely ill and have a note from their legal guardian; Secondly, daytime naps are frowned on; Thirdly, pyjamas are not suitable attire to be wearing past 9am ... I know it's like some kind of hellish dictatorship.
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When I first scanned and posted this picture it looked very wishy-washy and airy-fairy so I was going to rescan it ... then I realised the issue was with a lack of definition in the original sketch because I used my beloved quilter's pencil which is very light and silvery so ... (and I can hardly believe I really did this) ... I retraced *every single darned line* and it's scanned much better this time (take my word for it) although I lost a bit of colour this time ... no I don't think I'll be going over the colour and reposting it thanks very much ;-)

An Angel for Michelangelo

'See the Angel'

I was prompted to do this piece today by a blog I read recently which encouraged readers to do something creative for Michelangelo Day ... unfortunately I haven't been able to find the blog again (doh!) but when I do, I'll post a link to it here. ~~~ I found the blog so you can read all about the Michelangelo Project on French Toast Girl's website
The quote on it is from Michelangelo and reads: 'I see the angel in the stone, and chip away at everything around it.' The inspiration for my drawing came from my first effort at an altered book (still a work in progress at the moment) which I've also posted below. I've changed the lady a little to make her more angelic and used the most amazing gold and silver pens (Staedtler triplus gel-liners) which shimmer on the page for the quote and her hair and wings and tattoos. I used my trusty quilters pencil to sketch it to begin with and then added some colour with some colour pencils. I love how it turned out and it will be finding its way onto my studio wall very soon :-)


'French Kiss pages 2 & 3'

And while I'm on the subject of angels, here's a photo of some graffiti on a wall near our house. I always wonder what the artist was thinking when they did it. Unfortunately the first time I saw it I also thought it said 'ARSE' so that always goes through my mind aswell.

'Arise Graffiti'

i-Friday - Jazz

Can't see it good? ... then be my guest and click to make it bigger

'Jazz Mag'

What do you mean 'late'?! How dare you, I've never been so insulted ... well okay, maybe a *little* late but what's 11 hours between friends?
Anyhoo this week on Illustration Friday the topic 'Jazz' had people divided again. Some people lurrrrved the topic and others loathed it. I have to say that my heart sunk when I saw the word Jazz and my first thought was that I'd have a break this week and concentrate on my EDM challenges but I was in two minds about it because it's only my 2nd week after all and I'd feel a bit of a wuss if I didn't have a go. This idea of the magazine cover was the first thing that sprang to mind because of the *bad* jazz (i.e. improvisational, I'll keep playing until you all leave or I die) that sounds like musical masterbation i.e. something best kept in the bedroom and done for your own pleasure, not done on a spotlit stage and inflicted on law abiding concert goers who *just wanted a nice night out for the love of lindor*. I was also inspired by this definition I googled up: 'empty rhetoric or insincere or exaggerated talk; "don't give me any of that jazz" [syn: wind, idle words, nothingness]' - If I get round to doing the piece of art that definition conjoured up in my head I'll post it here.
I used paintshop pro which is a darkly mysterious beast that has until now eluded my efforts to tame it ... it's still not fully housebroken yet but I'll persevere a little longer before I drive out to some distant wilderness one night and abandon it.
I bravely typed "jazz mag" in google and then clicked on the images link and found a fantastic illustrated magazine cover which you can see with your very own ideas by clicking on this link it reminded me of some of the jazz illustrations posted this week and is very groovy indeed.

Of course the only thing worse than *bad* jazz is *bad* jazz with jazz singing over the top ... hell, why sing one syllable when you could sing ten? ... "m-y f-u-u-u-ny-ee vale-en-t-ine-e"

An unguided tour of my art room

These are some photos of my art room (which I'll give a better name once I've thought of one) - it's in the small bedroom upstairs in our house and it's the first time I've ever had a room of my own to create stuff in. Wendel is in his usual spot by the radiator.

It's quite tidy at the moment because I only finished sorting it out this week ... I can't wait to start getting some of my art work up on the walls.

This my desk, it's a breakfast bar we bought a few years ago when we lived in a flat. It didn't fit in anywhere downstairs but it's perfect for my room so I adopted it :-)

That's Angelica stealing my favourite seat - the floor cushions are ancient I'm planning to make new covers for them once I've learnt to sew. The keyboard in the corner was donated to us by friends years ago and still I haven't started learning to play piano but one day ...

Everyday Matters - Week 3 Challenge

'Big Night Out Bag'

This is one of those handbags with a photo printed on one side - I bought it from a shop called Oasis a couple of years ago specially to take out with me on my hen night ... there was a matching purse as well so I got that ... there was also a matching vanity case which I was very tempted to (to take on honeymoon of course) but I managed to talk myself out of it. It's my favourite bag mainly because of the picture, looks like it might be Sophia Loren to me, which always makes me smile ... what else would you wear to be photographed with a tiger cub - why, it just has to be a tiger skin fur coat (fake fur hopefully) every time. It has also become my 'Big Night Out' bag which I always take if I'm set to party and all glammed up. It's big enough for my purse, phone, keys, lipstick and not much else ... I have managed to cram my wooly hat and gloves into it on occassion but it starts looking a little overstuffed. I just used my quilting pencil to sketch this and it took a mighty long time to finish so I won't be adding a sketch of the matching purse :-) I love the way the scanner made it look like I sketched it with a bright light coming from the right ... what I mean is - I'm really pleased with the way I managed to capture the lighting so well ;-)

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Bonus drawing:


'Cute Purse'

I drew this on March 5th but it seemed to make more sense to post it here rather than create a new post. The cats are actually different colours so I might add some colour and post that piccie here too. I drew it straight off with a pen (Pentel gel pen) which is big news for me because it meant I couldn't re-do bits if they went wrong (that counts as risk taking in my world) ... luckily it came out well first time round - - - I might be brave and use pen more often ;-) This purse is the only one I've owned that attracts comments from people when I get it out to pay for something ... it's a bit fiddly to get coins out of but at least there's something nice for shop staff to look at while I'm fumbling away :-)

Everyday Matters - Week 2 Challenge

'Grown-up Up-lighter'

Just a bag left to draw (which I started doing last night) and I'm all up-to-date with my Everday Matters drawing challenges. This is a picture of the uplighter in our living room which one of our very generous wedding guests bought us from our wedding list. When the bulb went for the first time it suffered a terminal breakdown so we had to get a replacement but the glass shade on the replacement was broken so the replacement lamp had to be replaced aswell. Over 12 months later and it seems to be in fine fetter so fingers crossed it will be lighting up our evenings for many more years to come. Our previous uplighter was from Ikea, cost about 10 quid, is owned by half the British population, refused to stand straight and didn't have a dimmer switch so this one is a vast improvement. The Ikea lamp has now found a home in our dining room ... we don't really do throwing out you see.

Everyday Matters - Week 4

'Gorgeous Mug'

This is a drawing of my favourite mug, bought for me by my husband before we were married. I think of it as my affirmation mug ... heck you never know, I might even believe it one day!
My drink of choice is tea (fairtrade of course) and of late I've been making it milkier than usual and adding a tiny bit of cinammon, along with a spoonful of sugar (again fairtrade). It's my own version of the deliciously comforting Chai tea latte from Starbucks because a) I can't afford to go there very often and b) I wouldn't want to even if I could afford it.

Everyday Matters - Playing Catch Up

'Proper girly shoes'

This picture is the first one I've done for the Everyday Matters weekly drawing challenge. (I've got a lamp, a bag and a mug to do and then I'll have caught up with it - I'll post them here as I complete them)
I used my trusty quilters pencil (a light silver pencil meant for marking cloth) to sketch the shoe and write the text below it, then coloured it in with my watercolour pencils (dry). The shoes are brown suede and are kind of girly and bohemian - totally aspirational shoes because they represent the kind of clothing I admire and want to wear more of but always end up going for safer choices so I don't stand out too much from the flock. I bought them from a shop called 'New Look' which is super cheap and I fell in love with them as soon as I saw them. I don't buy that many shoes really but I do suddenly 'have to' buy new shoes every now and then and I usually have a pretty good idea of what I'm looking for, which sometimes makes for a pretty arduous shoe buying oddesey that can take weeks before I find 'the ones'. My husband, on the other hand wears one pair of (brown) shoes until they start letting rainwater in - then he goes shopping for a pair as close to the ones he is replacing as possible, and he never needs to look in more than a couple of shops before he finds what he's looking for. I think that if he could bear to part with the money he would buy 10 pairs in advance just so he'd avoid shoe shopping for the forseeable future.
Be inspired by Danny Gregory here

Our Offspring

'Sleeping the sleep of the righteous' (Angelica & Wendel)


'I'm the queen of the castle' (Angelica)


'What big eyes you have' (Wendel)

Two cats is the closest we've got to having children. Wendel is named after a little seen Simpsons character:
and Angelica got her name because she looked so pretty as a kitten ... but she does like getting her own way and loves attention so the link to Angelica in the Rugrats has become quite apt.

Come visit the beautiful architecture of York

The rust factory, York on a very clear winter's day.

I took these photos a few months ago - it's a factory which is just outside York city centre, no idea what they do there but it's a strangely beautiful sight and lies in stark contrast to the historic buildings just a few metres away.

IllFriday ~ Sorrow ~

Follow the Rose Opal Path ...

After a couple of weeks of lurking on the fantastic and inspirational www.illustrationfriday.com I have only gone and done an illustration ... yes, I know, I'm as amazed as you are! I've noticed that quite a few of the people who have posted for this week's topic of 'Sorrow' have commented that they were a little put off by the topic and would have preferred something more joyful ... all I know is that although my picture was inspired by the word sorrow I couldn't feel more joyful for having created something, I've even got a daft grin on my face as I'm typing this. I also found that looking at other 'illfriday' pictures, however dark, didn't make me feel sorrowful - just inspired and moved. Maybe I'm not going deep enough into my art yet but I think that the darker the subject matter or the more resistance I feel toward tackling a subject, the more I'll get out of creating something. Anyway this is turning into an art therapy manifesto so let me get back to celebrating the death of my creative procrastination ... ***breaking news ~ how strange that just as I'm writing about celebrating, the post arrives with a 'thanks, but no thanks' letter from York University to tell me I haven't got the job I was interviewed for last week ... yeah I'm feeling sorrow now ... even though I am applying for a much better job and didn't think the job was right for me long term ... still it's hard to be turned down for a job - dammit*** ... so where was I - oh yeah, I used watercolour pencils, a quilting pencil, a gold stamp-pad (which I applied using a fine brush) and some eyeshadow from a pallette with 42 colours that came free with a makeup bag (I used it on the eyes, cheeks and lips) - it's great because it's kind of chalky but in loads of different colours and with sponge applicators included in the case which makes it very easy to apply. The writing on the path says "... and one jewel encrusted night you will stand between the sapphire sea and the ruby beach, crying tears of sorrow as you realise that you alone are holding the door closed." In the back of my mind I keep hearing part of a quote about sorrow which I'll try to find and will add here. For now I'll submerge myself in the new batch of illfriday pics and will be suggesting 'rejection' as a future theme ;-)

Many busy afternoons, in truth

'A busy afternoon and one missing pencil'

This is what my pencil case looked like after finishing 'Troubling Lines ...' - all those beautiful, multicoloured pencil sharpenings. You'll be relieved to know that I found the missing pencil upstairs in my creativity room a couple of days later.

Yay, I've worked out how to post pictures!

'Testing lines for troubling times'

This picture was done with coloured pencils, a metal ruler, patience and perseverance. It took a couple of days over 4 or 5 sessions (I only did it a couple of weeks ago and already I've forgotten how many) when I would draw lines with 12 or so coloured pencils in rotation until my whole body became twitchy and restless and I felt like screaming ... at which point I would take a break before I destroyed something in a tasmanian devil style outburst. In the interests of *just getting the damn thing posted* I haven't done any smart stuff with it (like work out which way round it goes or crop the sketchbook spiral off) but I might do so or perhaps not. Still, hurrah and huzzah for a completed piece of artwork which is composed of ~lots~ of pencil lines (if anyone has the time to count them then drop me a line and I'll rename the piece in your honour, maybe) and is more geometric than I'd expect from myself, if you know what I mean.
*~ n.b. Now that I have conquered picture posting technology I'm going to mess with the very fabric of time itself and post some earlier stuff with photos ... not to deliberately confuse the general blog visiting public, honest ~*

Hooray for Bukowski and watercolour pencils

"What Matters Most ..."

I did this a few months ago as a gift for my husband and it's now framed and hanging on our living room wall. It's a copy of the artwork on the front of a Charles Bukowski book of poems ...



I used watercolour pencils on watercolour pencil paper - it was the first time I used my watercolour pencils with water and I'm *really* pleased with how it turned out. It gave my creative recovery a big shot in the arm to see what I was capable of doing when I *finally* sat my procrastinating ass down and got on with it.

Another bacon picture - Yin and Yang

Aaah the simple zen-like beauty of cooking bacon.

Nothing says 'I love you' like a bacon heart

'Healthy Heart'

Happy Valentine's day! My beloved made me a card on his 'puter. It's the same as the one Lisa Simpson gives to Ralph Wiggum ... A cartoon train and 'I choo, choo, choose you'. He also bought me the Gwen Stefani album ... unfortunately it was very disappointing so I've swapped it for Rufus Wainwright 'Want One' which is fantastic.We don't go overboard on this hallmark holiday but it's a good opportunity to appreciate and cherish each other a little more than usual.

The mighty tilda

So anyway the sofas finally arrived around 4:45pm yesterday. I'll have to post a photo of them so you can see what all the *broohah* was over ... or perhaps I'll be one of those bloggers who plans to post photos but never gets round to it, too early to tell yet. My soulmate was kind enough to phone up customer services at 4pm yesterday to enquire the whereabouts of said sofas. He didn't use an angry tone of voice even after he was put on hold for *a very long time* while the CS lady tried to contact the driver. My soulmate even used the words 'fair enough' in response to the CS lady letting him know that they couldn't get through to the courier company and they'd keep trying and phone him back when they knew what was happening (which of course they didn't but that's forgiveable as sofas turned up anyway). It's the little things like that which remind me why I fell in love with and married my soulmate ... he's so measured and calm when I would be all testy and righteous.
So I was thinking this morning that I should buy a new laptop once I am back in employment because my hand me down one doesn't have my favourite key stroke ... but on closer inspection it is there, just mapped to the wrong key. ~ How do ordinary folk live without using the ~tilda~ in all they type?

Hurry up and deliver the sofas already

So you know what it's like, you've waited 6 weeks for your new sofas to be delivered ... the delivery window (more like a patio door) is 8am - 4pm ... you feel very poorly (in my case a cold) but get up at 8am (after only 2 hours of sleep) so you can avoid the embarassment of having to answer the door in your pyjamas ... you wait ... you give in a go back to bed, leaving your husband on doorwatch duty ... you get up at 1pm - - - no sofas ... you have lunch, all the time thinking how inconvenient it would be if the sofas arrived while you're eating (some hope) ... 3:36pm and still no sofas and by this point the promise of sofas is looking very distant and empty ... spend time hoping that sofas will still arrive before the day is through so that *day of waiting* doesn't end up being a big waste of time ... also spend time going through imaginary conversation with distinctly disinterested customer services phone drone who will not apologise for ruining your day (and rest of life) and picks up on your *angry tone of voice* and implies that you are overreacting ... spend rest of day cursing the day we walked into 'Armchair Workshack' and discuss with husband whether much anticipated sofas should be returned as a matter of principle *if they ever arrive at all*

And so it begins.

Went to a writing group at a funky little independent bookshop (www.worm-holes.co.uk) in York a couple of weeks ago ... was super scared about going and nearly chickened out a million times but I managed to go through with it and I'm so glad I did. It's a very friendly group and I felt welcome straight away. Also did plenty of writing which is the main thing. Hopefully I'll be able to make if a regular thing. So we did 2 exercises and I'm posting them here as part of my recovery - will be the first creative thing I've put onto the web (deep breath) ...
'The F word' exercise: Given 5 'f-words' (father; freeze frame; future; falling; futile) and had to write for a set time without pausing - were allowed to use any number of the words, up to us. Mine started out as a poem and then went somewhere else ...

Future falling, ever smalling
wondering who I am
where I'm going
why I've been where I've gone
how did I end up here at this biggest point not knowing why or whether it was the right place at all - the right friends, the right loves, the right vows, the right words.
Did I turn right when I should have turned left or did both paths lead to the same place after all? Was that my future-self I just passed by on some other track taking her in the opposite direction (no doubt asking herself the same questions). How do all those millions of freeze frame moments amount to anything more than smiling photos of me, seemingly unchanged by the years in looks, thoughts and deeds. I can see them all before me, those future falling freeze frames in a double helixed spiral of people I've known and tried to enchant with my good girl disguise. Sometimes I force the two seperate strands together and try to make sense of it all that way as two frozen moments collide and merge across space and time and I'm a thousand other selves who know what it is to be the essence of me and recognises it as the camera flash goes off - and whatever you do, don't mention my father.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The objects exercise: for this one we could choose an object from the table and we had to write a self-contained story about it with a word limit of 250. Rather predictably I had trouble settling on which object to choose but I managed it ... forgot about the word limit completely though ... which is no bad thing.

I tried to slip into the house without Mark seeing me bring another folorn fugitive into the house but dropping my keys on our front door step reminded me that I should take all those old redundant keys off my keyring and alerted Mark to my arrival. I tried to hide it behind my back and hoped to distract Mark by asking him about his day while I cunning ly performed a magician's trick and disappeared my latest adoption under my coat and vanished it upstairs before I could be rumbled. Unfortunately 4 years of similarly unmagic attempts meant that Mark was one step ahead of me and could see through all the smoke and mirrors - or more accurately he could see my smuggled goods reflected all too clearly in the hallway mirror.His 'happy to see you' face fell into his 'oh no, you haven't brought another one home' face and he rallied my breezy question with one of his own. "Erm, what have you got behind your back?" Not realising that I was more the emperor without any clothes than the great Mystico, master of illusion, I kept up the act regardless. "Nothing - do me a favour and stick the kettle on, you wouldn't believe the day I've had".
Rather than obediently scampering off, Mark stood his ground - "We agreed you wouldn't bring any more home - where do you thing we're going to find room for it?"
I produced our new charge from behing my back with a theatriccal flourish - "but look at his eyes, I couldn't leave him there, you know what they do to them once they've finished ..." There was a moments stand off before Mark resigned himself to having lost yet again in this all too frequent battle of wills where the ending was decided before the curtains opened.