Words in Progress

I collect inspiring quotes ... here is the inside cover of a book that I'm collecting them in:





... more to follow as I fill up each page :-) BTW, the silver bits on the first picture are some groovy stickers from a local craft shop which I added some colour to.

Ouch ...

Picture of Pain

Several months ago I was in off work in *immense* pain (all better now, thanks :-) and decided I might as well try some art therapy to take my mind off things ... so I got out my watercolour pencils and started drawing my pain. Funny thing is that I thought it would be much darker than it actually ended up being - weird ... mind you it's a bit like when you try to describe pain, it kind of gets diluted along the way.

Lively Lily

Colourful Cala

This took a lot of patience :-) I made sure I stopped before I got the urge to run around the house screaming and ripping things up ... not quite sure whether it's finished really but I'm a bit wary about going back to *that* place ;-)

Dance me to the end of love ...

Embrace your junk-mail

This is a bit of altered art using a fab picture that my bank was kind enough to send me in an effort to try and sell something to me ... can't remember what it was advertising ... don't think they offer dance lessons ;-) So anyhoo I just added a fringe of colour around the sides, traced the edge of the dancers with a gold pen and then stamped a line from a Madeleine Peyroux song around it. Makes me smile every time I look at it, which can only be a good sign :-)

Slight Return

Blue Cushion

Yay, I'm back ... again! I have a glut of photos and arty stuff to post so bear with me :-)
The painting above was inspired by this photo of a silky cushion I saw in a magazine:


cushion source

I did it in watercolour pencils first and then *painstakingly* went over the bluey-green bits with a watered down blue metallic paint. I'm please with how it turned out but it's definitely one that looks better from a distance :-)

Benches of Britain

In my ongoing quest to provide you, the good people of cyberspace, information on the best places to park your posterior ... feast your eyes on this beauty we found on the North York Moors - okay there's no back rest but that's a good thing because it prevents people from settling down for too long and hogging the view. More benches to follow no doubt ;-)


Bench with a view


Bench too


The other side of the bench

Such a magnificent return

Where have you all been ... oh, yeah, fair point, it was me that disappeared. I have been mentally posting blog entries but that isn't really the same now is it? I planned to catch up by backdating all those posts so I could fill the void of my disappearance ... but the blogging gods conspired against me and afterall that's not very honest so here goes, little steps ...

Here is a Paul Frank inspired picture that I did for *a very close friend who is a ridiculously modest photographer of note* ... my friend loves Julius so I did it as a surprise gift for her birthday.


... and she liked it so much she framed it and hung it up in her house ... shucks!



That makes a grand total of 4 ... count 'em ... houses with my art works on the wall. 2 of them are now featured on this blog so I'll get the other 2 posted soon for completeness sake (ah, the joy of being a virgo).

Knitting is the new drawing

My First Scarf!

I have been absent from my blog recently for several different reasons ... one of them is my rediscovered love of knitting :-) I'd been thinking for yonks that I should get my Grandma to give me a refresher course (she taught me when I was a nipper) so I managed to visit her last time I was 'down south' and after a 30 minute tutorial session I was away. 3 weeks later and I have drawn almost nothing but I am on my second ball of wool and more than half way towards finishing my first scarf. And it turns out that I work with a keen knitter who goes to a knitting group who meet once a month in the Starbucks above the Borders bookshop in York! I couldn't be more excited with my new skill and although it means I am slightly distracted from my drawing it's lovely and relaxing and addictive and, above all, creative which means I don't feel guilty that I'm neglecting my sketchpad a little.

Don't tell me you're not jealous ...

Polka Dot Folly & Angelica

At 31 and child-free it could be argued that I'm a little old to be buying a £40 children's polka dot teepee from Habitat (search for tent) but all I can say in my defence is that I've wanted one ever since I saw the one they were selling last year ... and it makes me smile whenever I look at it :-) I now have to work out how to make it comfortable enough inside for me to spend more than 30 mins in it at a time ... methinks that some kind of beanbag chair would be just the thing. Ooh did I mention that it's reversible (although you can see the polka dots showing through) and there are nine pockets on the inside and outside for me to slip my essential sitting in a tent belongings into :-) ... happy, happy, joy, joy :-)

EDM - Glasses challenge

'Empty Vessel'

I don't wear glasses but we do own plenty of wine glasses :-) This one is part of a set which were bought for us from our wedding list - it has gold painted glass strands running around it and we also have the matching champagne flutes and even margarita glasses (needless to say we somehow haven't got round to using those yet but they do look awful pretty on the shelf ;-)
~~ I'm particularly proud of getting the word 'miniscus' into a poem ... what skill ;-) ~~

Bike postcard up for grabs ... if your name is Janey

'A Bicycle Made for You'

I had been thinking of drawing my new bike (which I *love*) but didn't get around to it until I saw Janey's cheery bike picture. Janey is a prolific postcard artist who will send you a postcard of your choice for free ... all you have to do to balance out your karma is send a postcard to someone else for free ... so how about it Janey? - this one is reserved for you in return for the one you're sending me ... if you want it just send me an e-mail with your snail mail address :-)

i-Friday ~ Daring ~

'Daringest'

For illustration friday ... in a rush but will catch up with posting stuff soon :-)

i-Friday ~ Reinvent ~

'Self-reinventing Wheels'

This is my entry for the reinvent challenge on illustration friday. I thought I'd embrace the clichés that others were shunning and so here is a machine I've invented which reinvents the wheel into a Madonna-wheel which thenceforth can reinvent itself ... oh yeah and there's speakers built in so Madonna can promote her music and rock while she rolls ... sweet ;-)

Personality type

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

similarminds.com

So there you have it - my personality compartmentalised for your convenience ... actually I really do *love* these kinds of personality tests and every time I fill one in I approach it with the virginal white hopeful innocence that it will somehow distil my essence into a truth that I can set my clock, compass and coffee cup by. Alas I am still searching for this elusive oracle but from *far too many* of these personality diviners I can thoroughly assure you that I am ENFP to the bone. So don't try and cross me cos I'll suss you quicker than you can steal my heart, my dreams or my dignity. And if life doesn't bring me enough exciting dramas I am more than capable of creating my own epic dramas so step back and shield your eyes.

EDM - Week 10 - Hands

'Pitta Palm'

Today I spent my lunch hour sat at my desk (I know, I still can't believe I'm finally working either!) sketching my lunch and my hand with my new found loves ... my Rotring art pen and my Letraset ProMarkers. Hey who needs pencils or erasers?!
My Grandma told me I had piano player's fingers and I've always had a burning ambition to play the piano ... heck one day I might even plug in the keyboard that's propped up in my art room and give it a go ;-) ... but anyway there's already one musician in this house so it can survive without me making music for a bit longer.
My new job as a temporary research assistant is going well ... 4 days done and about 5 weeks more still to do. I'm missing having all that free time but not the guilt that went with it :-)

This week's hand challenge didn't frighten me as much as it should have done cos I drew my hand when I flirted with Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain so here's what it looked like in 2002 sketched in pencil ... notice the lack of both engagement and wedding rings:


'An Old Hand'

i-Friday ~ Alone ~

'Travel Alone'

I actually chose the quote for last weeks illustration friday theme which was 'travel' but then I was too busy getting employed (yes, you read it right - I'm a wage slave once again, albeit on a 6 week temporary contract) to get anything done. As serendipitous luck would have it, this weeks theme of 'alone' fits just fine so I've gone with my undrawn idea from last week - the extra incubation time hasn't harmed it any I'm sure.
It's drawn with my new Rotring art pen which I love, love, love. I also bought a set of Letraset promarkers which I'm looking forward to experimenting with ... hurrah for wage slavery and being able to afford stuff again.
:-))

My mum's favourite flower

'Daffodil Glimpse'


'A Dull Daffodil Sort of Day'

Those dull daffodils
declining dances,
sitting on the sidelines
for this one
and the next.
Such pale wallflowers
beneath their bonnets,
hanging their heads
all wilted and withdrawn,
hiding away here
from the colour riots
they've heard happening
beyond the bars.

Word Excavation

In certain circles there have been discussions around whether folk go back and read old journals and how they feel about it. As a lifelong serial diary-starter who desperately wanted to be an everyday diary writer but could never manage more than a couple of days straight I have very few journal entries to look back on. I did manage to do two journals worth of morning pages when I was reading The Artist's Way (links to Amazon.com so you can take a look inside the book) by Julia Cameron and when I re-read those entries I'm struck by how repetitive they were ... a typical entry went something along the lines of: It's still dark; I nearly didn't get up this morning; I can't believe I've managed to get up early for x days/weeks; The cats are being a nuisance; Now one of them has snuggled up on my journal and I'm writing around it; My throat is a bit sore this morning, I hope I'm not coming down with something; I don't know what to write; It's getting lighter earlier every morning now. ... Or words to that effect anyway. I felt disappointed when I got to the end of Artist's Way and realised that there was no end and that the idea was to continue with the morning pages indefinitely. Heck I might start them up again at some point but for now I'm having too much fun with my art - any mention of regular writing slots and my rebellious streak starts acting up and getting in the way.
One thing I love looking through are the small notebooks I often chuck into my bag when I'm off on a night out or have by the side of my bed for those pesky sleep-time visitors that scamper round my head until I write them down. I'm always pleasantly surprised by what I've written and usually can't remember the words coming from me at all. Here's an example of something I scribbled in a notebook on 28/2/2003:

Dressed in dreams
Moved to tears
Smiling pockets
Escalating schemes
Tired excuses
Surrounding me
Desperate dances
Chasing words
Born performer
Stealing lies
Elasticated truth
Drenched in you

I have no idea what inspired that flood of words ... was I drunk, bored or just hit round the head with some inspiration? I'll never know why or how I wrote those words but they still speak to me in their strange offbeat way.

If you liked those words in the slightest then promise me you'll visit this special person who I greatly admire for her words and paintings and who inspired me to post the poem in this entry ... but hey don't blame me if you look up again and find it's next week cuz it's that kind of place.

EDM Challenge - Watches

'Shiny Happy Couple'

Last weeks Everyday Matters challenge was to draw your watch or any other piece of jewellery. I wanted to have a go at beating the perfectionist within by sketching something with a pen (gasp ... no way to erase the mistakes!!!) so I bought a technical drawing pen and had a go at drawing my engagement ring ... so far so good ... I had a go at drawing my wedding ring and that came out okay as well ... then it just kind of escalated from there - I had a go at doing the watch that my beloved bought me as a wedding gift and decided to continue the wedding jewellery theme until it seemed downright rude not to include Mark's ring, watch and cufflinks. I painted some sturdy watercolour paper with silver acrylic paint, collaged the drawings with a photo of us on our wedding day and added a quote that I found several weeks ago:
"Marriage is tough, because it is woven of all these various elements, the weak and the strong. 'In-loveness' is fragile for it is woven only with the gossamer threads of beauty." ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

BTW the space at the top of the collage is for when I summon the courage to have a go at drawing my tiara :-)

If you go down to the woods today ...

'Wild and Woolly Yorkshire No. 8'
I have no idea *why* there is a large heap of rope and twine on the forest floor but there is.


'Troublesome Bats'
I haven't a clue *what* made the bats implicate themselves with their graffiti but they have.


'Banana Tree'
I can't imagine *how* this banana skin found its way into the hedgerow but there it is for all to see
... actually that last one isn't quite so mysterious - all I'm saying is that *yes* I did play a part in its placement but it was an accident and it's probably safer there than on the footpath after all. It had disappeared when we returned a couple of days later ... must have been one disappointed monkey swinging through the York undergrowth that day.

More of a hindrance than a help ~ A photo-story

In which our anti-hero, Wendel, gets in the way of art:

'If you take one more photo I'll come over there and sit on your artwork ...'


'See, I warned you I'd sit on your art ... and here I am, sitting on your art.'


'A bit more brown just there methinks ... no, not that much! There - you've ruined it now.'

So there you are, every cat's a critic. I often wonder whether Wendel wants to sit on me when I'm drawing because he is an avid patron of the arts and wants to get as close as possible to the act of creation, hoping therein to gain an insight into the very mind of the artist ... but then monkey mind guffaws in the background (spitting out a mouthful of coffee) and between the laughter lets me know that Wendel actually sits on me because he despises my art and hopes to distract me from drawing, thereby saving me from embarrassing myself any further.

Actually any cat-owned blog-readers out there will know the truth all to well ... cats are at heart attention seeking little beggars who will get between you and whatever you are trying to concentrate on.

Just to prove this wasn't an isolated incident here is Wendel sitting on more of my art ... notice how he's listening out with one ear just to check whether his distraction services are needed more somewhere else in the house.


'Can't Get Close Enough to the marmite'

It's all about the benches.

I have no idea why I'm drawn to taking photographs of benches ... I think I just appreciate coming across seating that looks like it's been there forever or like a bit of thought has gone into the design or some planning committee somewhere has taken a risk when it's come to 'bench-commissioning' time. So anyway here are some benches I've snapped in recent weeks so please do take a seat and enjoy the view as the world hurries on past:


'Elegant Iron Bench'

That bench is a short walk from Lendal Bridge alongside the River Ouse. Looks to me like it's watched a *lot* of boats passing by.


'If Only Our Garden Was Bigger'

You wouldn't believe how comfortable this bench was ... and not just because it was the first bench we'd seen in about 3 miles :-) If the weather had been a touch warmer I'd have turned my jacket into a pillow and curled up for a nap. It's in a great spot overlooking York Race Course ... if I was off to the races I'd be there early and stake out my position here for sure ... cooler box to the left, barbeque just over to the right and I'd be sorted for the day.


'Combined Bench'

I love it when old clapped out machines get a new lease in life. I'm sure this little fella could have done without the paintjob from 'T*sh*' but he still looks like a sturdy chap with decades of seating service left in him. You can find this tractor-bench hybrid on cycle path 65 just beyond the York ring road at Rawcliffe. Must get a bit toasty on a sunny summers day and a bit frosty on a brisk winters day but for the other 15 days of the year it must be perfect ;-)

So there you have it, benches 1, 2 and 3 in the Eyespy book of York Benches. More to follow I'm sure.

Your 'Promise' Has Been Duly Discarded and Disregarded

'So Much For Your *New and Unique Promise*'

Far too often the advertising suits get a *little* over-excited and carried away, making overblown statements with no substance to back them up ... so (while I in no way condone littering) it seemed fitting to see this unwanted flyer discarded in an off the beaten track footpath in York. If my corporate branding radar is correct I believe it could be an ad for the AA (the roadside recovery outfit rather than the other one) so heaven knows what the marvelous life-changing £40* (the * in this usually denotes that they are intentionally misleading you and are legally obliged to drop you a clue) is all about ... seems like quite a bit of dosh to me so it would have to be truly exceptional to tempt me (particularly as I'd have to buy a car first).

Sometimes a theme just won't let you go

The Illustration Friday theme from a couple of weeks ago was 'fragile' (you can see my original post for that here) and, as happens with this sort of thing, it kind of infested my subconcious and I started seeing 'fragile' wherever I went. Here are a couple I captured on camera for your viewing pleasure:

'Easter Casualty'
A tragic Cadbury's Creme Egg fails to fulfill its destiny ... so poignant. Let's hope the chicken does come before the egg or we're done for come next Easter.


'Fragile Champagne'
We live very close to the National Railway Museum and I spotted these discarded empty bottles next to their recycling bins. You can hire the museum for corporate schmoozing events and even weddings so I guess they're left over from a recent shin-dig unless they have *exceptionally* good staff catering.

Dull or Arty ... who am I to judge?

'Reflecting on Trees'

I showed this photo to my beloved to see if he'd spot the *clever* thing I'd done ... his remark was something along the lines of "It's a bit dull and washed out, maybe." ... to which I replied triumphantly "Ah ha, but it's a photo of the tree's reflection you see." ... I think I still like it very much, for all its dullness.

i-Friday ~ Crowded ~

'If More Crowded ...'

This is my entry for this weeks Illustration Friday topic. The background is a quote that I've written in gold and silver pens over and over (and over) again in different directions. I showed it to my beloved and he enquired after my mental state (i.e. "Have you gone mad?) ... well perhaps he has a point. Anyone out there deranged enough to work out what the quote is?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
30th March - Bonus entry:


'Urban Sprawl'

This is a photo-shopped photo of some highrise bird boxes near the Rawcliffe stretch of the River Ouse. It was a grey-skied day so I thought I'd muck about with it in Photoshop and see if I could make it look sunny and colourful ... then I stumbled across this effect and forgot all about the sunshine :-) If I actually knew what I was doing with Photoshop I'd probably never have been able to do this - hurrah for blissful creative ignorance.

What does Hellkitten mean? (Specifically rather than generally)

HELLKITTEN

H is for Happy
E is for Explosive
L is for Loud
L is for Luscious
K is for Kind
I is for Intense
T is for Thrilling
T is for Tender
E is for Energetic
N is for Naive

What Does Your Name Mean?

EDM Challenge - Week 7 - In the Kitchen

'Delicious Spread'

Yes it most certainly does what it says on the label ... 'delicious spread with added vitamins' ... apparently some strange folk don't like it but I can't get enough of it. When I was a full time wage slave I got into the habit of making marmite (and here I'm using marmite as a generic descriptor ... like I call our Dyson vacuum cleaner a hoover) on toast and taking it to work with me to eat cold with my first cup of vending machine coffee of the day ... ahhh, the memories. At one point I was sitting next to a marmite-phobe who winced whenever I took my toast out of my bag and used to go out and have a cigarette while I was eating it (so in some way I was hastening his future early demise but I don't like to think about it that way - he's still alive now as far as I know so I didn't hasten it that much) but not before I carried out my daily ritual of turning to him with a look of deep sincerity and asking 'would you like some of my marmite on toast?' ... simple pleasures but *so* rewarding :-D
I will have Marmite (the real thing) if supermarket own-brand yeast extract isn't available for some reason but I have to be careful because Marmite needs to be spread quite thinly whereas yeast extract can be applied quite thickly without becoming unpalatable ... many an onlooker has recoiled with a look of terror and disgust when they've seen how thickly I apply it. A couple of years ago I discovered a new taste sensation ... fried egg on marmited toast ... scrummy!
Inspired by a friend's display of Marmite jars I made it my mission to have one of every size on our kitchen windowsill ... there are four sizes from the cute 57g to the mighty 500g jar (my Mum once claimed she saw an even bigger catering size jar but has yet to provide any concrete evidence) and eating that much Marmite when my preference is for yeast extract was a challenge but the resulting Russian Doll effect was most pleasing visually. They don't actually fit inside one another I hasten to add before you all get excited and rush to your nearest Marmite stockist. In our pre-move decluttering session I decided to send those jars to be reincarnated at the great bottle bank in the sky but I believe I will embark on the challenge again someday soon.
If you are staying in a superior class of hotel or bed and breakfast you may find that you are lucky enough to be greeted at the breakfast table by a basket of fun-size condiments, including 5g plastic pots of Marmite. I myself would never take the risk and often take a jar of marmite with me when I travel. At breakfast the morning after I got married our delightful venue (previously mentioned) did indeed provide the fun-size pots which was just as well because it had slipped my mind and I hadn't packed marmite into our honeymoon luggage. Luckily for me my Mum was staying at wedding venue and I was able to whisper across the breakfast room that I wanted the Marmite from her table to take on honeymoon with us ... quick as a flash Mum did a circuit of the room and smuggled about a dozen pots out for me - I mean I'm sure the venue would have gladly given them to us if she'd asked but why take the risk? This also gave my hubby an additional amusement every morning as he'd wait and see whether I'd remembered to take a pot down to breakfast with me every morning and giggle at my crestfallen face if I'd forgotten. A couple of days he even put one in his pocket in case I'd forgotten ... but mostly he'd just giggle at my marmite-dependency.
Anyhoo that's enough yeast-based spread stories for one day but it you'd like to read more then look at Island Girl's blog (she *believes* Marmite tastes like 'drunken puke' and/or 'bonfire' but I won't hold that against her - perhaps she'd prefer yeast extract like I do ;-) or Robyn's blog which extolls the alleged virtues of Vegemite which I really wanted to like when I tried it (my best friend in high school was from Australia and banged on about it) but it just wasn't the same (i.e. nice tasting) as Marmite or yeast extract to me ... still as they say up North, there's nowt so queer as folk ... and some of my closest friends don't like marmite so I can't be accused of being prejudiced.

Now onto an altogether sweeter spread:


'Gold Comfort'

Mmmm, the glorious sun-filled elixir that is Golden Syrup ~ I love it on toast, pancakes (both the scotch and non-scotch varieties) and in warm milk. The plastic bottle I've drawn for this challenge doesn't have the aesthetic appeal of the original tin but it's much easier to dispense (it's pourable - goodbye sticky teaspoon which you can never quite get all the syrup off) in todays sunlight the plastic bottle comes into its own and shows off the pure liquid gold nectar in its full amber glory, casting shafts of golden light across the surface it sits on (my box of watercolour pencils in case you were wondering) and looks like it contains distilled magic to this artist's eye. If you click on the above picture you'll see from my handwritten notes that the label has the words "out of the strong came sweetness" which I had never seen before (either on the label or anywhere else) but a quick dig around on google reveals that it is a quote from the bible. The full quote is "out of the eater came meat and out of the strong came sweetness" and it's a riddle that Samson set as a challenge to some philistines, apparently ... but hey this ain't Sunday School (even if it is Easter weekend) and I'm the last person who should be waxing lyrical on matters biblical so type it into google if you want to find out more. What I can't work out is how that quote came to be adopted by the Tate & Lyle sugar company ... I know that the chocolate companies in Britain had religious foundations but I'm not aware of the same link with sugar companies - still I'm sure all will become clear in the fullness of time.
I must admit that I wasn't looking forward to doing this week's EDM challenge because I knew that drawing jars was going to be difficult but I stuck with it and am really pleased with the results. It never ceases to amaze me how your mind inteferes with what your eye is seeing when you try to draw something simple and everyday. Both drawings were done with my watercolour pencils (dry), the outlines were done with black ink and the gold on the golden syrup label was done with my gold staedtler triplus pen which I never tire of using (or mentioning) and should probably be negotiating some kind of commission deal with staedtler. I was worried that it wouldn't be fine enough to cope with getting in between the letters but with some deep concentration and an *almost* steady hand I managed to do it all, even where there was only a whisper of white to cover ... and all despite the best efforts of our cats who each had a go at jogging my arm and rubbing their face on the end of my pen whenever it looked like I might be attempting anything tricky.

If only I'd done this at the beginning!

Well today I added a visitor counter to my blog (right at the *very* bottom of the page) and now it looks very strange - *hey great blog ... it's 5 months old and only had 3 visitors ... way to go norma-no-friends!* I got my free counter from the nice people at statcounter and it was easy enough to add to my blog template following their instructions. So now I can feel downhearted about the lack of visitors as well as the lack of comments ... nah not really, I do this blog as a way towards creative recovery so in some ways the fewer comments and visitors I get the freer I feel to post whatever I want without worrying whether anyone will like it. I need to get into the habit of just creating without relying on someone standing at my elbow stroking my ego and feeding me positive reinforcement - I need to find my own internal source of creative bravery if that makes any sense. That's not to say that I don't appreciate the lovely, supportive comments that folk have been kind enough to post here, just that I mustn't fall into the trap of relying on receiving comments in order to motivate my creativity.
Not sure where adding a statcounter to my blog fits in with all that but I am a curious little kitten after all ;-)

i-Friday ~ Bloom ~

'Chocolate Bloom'

For some reason the first thing that came into my head when I saw this weeks Illustration Friday topic was 'chocolate bloom' which is the white-ish streaks that appear on chocolate if it's been stored somewhere too warm- you can see what it looks like here. I decided that drawing the real thing would be beyond my capabilities so I thought I'd put a flower (or 'bloom' ... see what I did there?) on the chocolate and as it's nearly easter and my Mum's birthday I thought I'd do a bit of multi-tasking and create a handmade birthday card. The thing I find funny about chocolate bloom is that the first time I heard about it was from a card inserted in a box of chocolates assuring the purchasor that chocolate bloom is a beautiful thing and not to fear it and going running into the street screaming or complain and return the chocolates, or words to that effect anyways. If you haven't bought your easter eggs yet then please think about getting Fairtrade ones ... take a look here - I myself have asked hubby for a Green & Black Maya Gold egg which is dark chocolate with orange and spices ... hubby did baulk somewhat when he saw one on sale for £4.99 but I assured him that where ethical issues are concerned size doesn't matter and there is a smaller version available for a less princely sum of £2.99 (I'm secretly hoping he'll splash out on the bigger one though ;-) So now you've switched to fairtrade coffee and tea and sugar ... you have switched, right? ... keep up the good work and go fairtrade with your chocolate. If you need more convincing then take a look here (and think about signing up for the boycott while you're there).

So anyhoo, I did this picture on the back of a blank postcard using my watercolour pencils, white acrylic paint and gold and silver pens (which I *might* have mentioned before) for the lettering which reads "Happy Blooming Birthday ... and a wonderful easter too". I feel certain my mum will love it :-)

And then I was mucking about with the leftover white paint and experimenting painting clouds on a blue painted background (which itself came about from me using up leftover paint a couple of weeks ago) - I was having a fine and dandy time and then noticed that if I tilted my head and squinted my eyes, the two clouds I'd hastily painted looked like a pregnant lady, sort of ... so that's how I ended up doing this bonus painting below. I'm thrilled because it's the first painting I've done that has evolved from just messing around with paint ... that's one step further for my creative recovery, hoorah.


'Bloom and Blossom'

I can't really explain much about this 'blooming lady' except that I think her hair might be petunias ... oh yeah and if you tilt your head and squint your eyes you might just be able to make out two clouds.

By the way ... if you happen upon yesterdays entry you'll see that I had a rough day ... just want to reassure any blog wanderers that do stumble on it that I am feeling *much* better today (hooray for St John's Wort and my own coping abilities). And for those of you who were curious and asked, the job I was going for was a student welfare and education advisor for York Uni's Student Union ... it was a dream job but I didn't get it so I've licked my wounds and am on the look out for the better job that must *surely* be on its way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
... and I you wouldn't believe what monkey mind said about this weeks topic being bloom after my picture last week told you all that we can't have flowers in our house ;-}

I tried to think positive, honest I did ...

Well it's been a tough day but it's nearly over and I'm starting to feel quite at peace about the fact that I didn't get *the* job. It hasn't been confirmed for sure yet but I should have heard by now so it looks like Mr Postie will be bringing me a bad news letter at some point this week. If I sound un-emotional and detached now then don't be mislead ... with reservations I am posting some notes I scribbled at various points during this verrrry long day. If you get annoyed by self-indulgent human misery then look away now.
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My day started at 5.30am which is extremely early by anyone's standards but Hubby was off down south for work so I got up to keep the cats out of his way and help him set off. I didn't go back to bed but sat in my creativity room losing myself in the web on my laptop and generally being quiet, still and mopey.
First entry: 10.44am - I feel a dull, heavy, grinding emptiness and sit here slumped with my head and hands occassionally going limp when I think about *the phonecall* that I have managed to convince myself will not be coming today. And I think I just heard the post dropping through the door and feel sick at the thought of the rejection that might be waiting for me - even though it is almost physically impossible that it will have arrived yet. I have been mentally torturing myself since Friday evening and slept as badly on Friday night as I did the night before the interview. Yesterday and this morning I realised that I felt more at peace with it all but every hour or so the *fear* washes over me and I'm all at sea again. But then I resurface and steel myself to venture downstairs and confront the post like it's some knife-wielding intruder - sigh of deep relief and shallowdisappointment as it's just junk mail (actually since starting to work on altered books nothing is 'just junk mail' anymore, but more on that another time).
Now 11.10am and I am eating 'Magic Mix' - what the doohecky is Magic Mix I hear you cry ... well it's from Holland & Barratt and it contains:
Milk chocolate chunks (16%)
Large stoned raisins (16%)
Broken brazils (14%)
Dried cranberries (12%)
Sliced coconut (12%)
Whole cashews (12%)
Roasted Hazelnuts (10%)
Morello cherries with added apple & cherry juice (8%)
... and as I bought it in a healthfood store you can be sure it's 100% healthy ;-)

11.37am: Slow, hot semi-tears well up in my eyes as my mind reconfirms it "I didn't get the job". It's, you know, just a hunch still but I feel it with intense certainty -

12.00: I'm curled up laying on my side on floor cushions in the reading corner of my creative room. I'm sure now that I would have already heard if I got the job so there you are - I can stop mentally preparing my reaction to *the phonecall*; my acceptance speech, my excited calls to loved ones, my solo champagne celebration, my jubilant post to my blog ... all of it disintegrates away. Each time I have these thoughts my soothing side comes back with a glimmer of hope that 'it ain't over till it's over' and maybe they're just tied up with meetings or getting references or doing HR shit like printing out my staff i.d. and job offer confirmation.
Geez this hurts so badly - I *really* wanted that job, it was perfect for me and now I'll have to get a crappy temp job and *keep looking* and look on the fucking bright side and I don't want to do any of that, I want to be wrong and feel stupid for overreacting and get told 'see, I knew you'd do it' and have a worthwhile, fulfilling career.And to make matters wors it's got to be the nicest weather of the year so far and it's someone else's perfect day, not mine and how am I meant to be absorbed with depression and gloominess on such a fucking sunny day?

12.30pm: Stumble around the house, go downstairs to check I didn't miss the phone ringing while I was in the bathroom - amazing how aggravating it can be having 2 cats following you around and squeeking at you when all you want is long cool dark silence to wrap itself around you and keep you safe until a brighter day arrives.
No phonecalls since yesterday so I drag myself back upstairs and retreat to bed where I can pretend it is not a gorgeous day outside which I should really get myself out into. I'm sure I'd feel better if I did venture out but a) what happens if I burst into tears in the middle of town? b) by the time I've freshened up my tear-stained, puffy-eyed face it will be raining, probably. c)what if *the call* arrives, even though it is now beyond the point of completely unlikely that it will ever come. d) it's half-term hols and lovely weather so town will be full of tourists and mothers with pushcairs and prematurely mature school kids and old people standing in large groups blocking the pavements and taking up the benches and commenting on how quickly the weather has picked up and how they hope it's here to stay and I won't be able to be alone with my solitude anywhere and I'll probably end up in a shop buying things I don't need with money I haven't got (and now won't have for quite a while) and so I think I'll stay indoors with the curtains drawn if it's all the same to you.
1.30pm Woken up by my beloved calling to see if I'm okay - I lie and tell him I'm fine but I'm sure that I don't have the job - he knows I'm lying and makes suitably sympathetic comments.
The strong part from somewhere deep inside me is urging me to get out of bed and get dressed and eat something nourishing. The weak part of me wants to lie in bed with words from my interview (actual and fictionalized ideal) swirling around the room until I fall asleep again - it also wants to either a) eat nothing so that at least the benefit of some weight loss will result from this tragedy b) eat nothing but junk food. Luckily I can see straight through b) and know that my monkey mind is just laying the groundwork for me feeling even worse later and a) will work until I get hungry and reach for the first sugary item in the house, or a whole block of cheese.
On balance I think that my strong side is sounding quite persuasive so I will get up and get dressed and have cheese & yeast extract on toast.

2.06pm: And I have finally managed to un-pin myself from my bed. I have decided that I will get dressed, put on a mask and go out to share my pain with the world and the sunshine.

5.05pm: Just got in from *the outside* - managed okay (it's amazing how much better icecream and squirrels in the park can make you feel - even though the sun had gone in by the time I stepped outside) but struggled on the walk home - felt like I was walking through marshmallows ... and not in a good way.
Checked the phone and still no phone calls so that's it then, the end of that particular dream - I feel like I'm being crushed by gravity and I feel empty and my stomach hurts.
Must look after myself this evening and make it through to tomorrow. Will start by making wholesome vegetable casserole with brown rice and then go from there one step at a time.

Everyday Matters - Week 6 Challenge - Toyland

'The Chair Rose Up ...'

This is my drawing of an illustration from my 1952 hardback copy of 'Adventures of the Wishing-Chair' by Enid Blyton. 'The Faraway Tree' books were probably my favourite as a child but there wasn't much in it (actually it was probably only the 'Secret Seven' books that I never really got into). I also loved 'The Secret Island' and dreamed of running away and escaping to our own island where there were no adults and we lived in a house made from the weaved branches of a willow tree with bracken and moss for mattresses. Unfortunately Enid Blyton books don't really stand up to re-reading as an adult but I can't bring myself to get rid of them from our bookshelves. When I was a young child we gave away most of our collection to a jumble sale and then almost instantly wanted them back so we gradually replaced them with our birthday and Christmas money each year (being a twin meant they were replaced twice as quickly). Luckily the Famous Five books which had belonged to my Mum and her brothers and sister still lived at my Grandma's house so they survived the cull. Most of my collection are secondhand so they are a bit scruffy and well-loved - the book I copied this illustration from even has some of the pictures coloured in which I would never have done as a child but it doesn't really bother me now. I think it's funny how adult nostalgia for their childhood has meant that 1st editions of children's books now sell for hundreds of pounds and the less 'loved' a book has been, the higher its value which seems to be completely the wrong way round to me ... who wants a children's book that hasn't been read by generations of children until the dust jacket is torn and discarded and the spine falls off?
My twin sister and I practically lived in our local library and hoovered up any book we could get our hands on until we were about 18 and then just seemed to lose interest overnight. Happily it was only a temporary (if somewhat extended) glitch and about 7 years ago my love affair with books resurfaced with a vengeance. So much so that my husband and I got married in the library of an old manor house (I made my entrance through a secret door in the bookcase ... very 'Famous Five'!) and our new house has a room in it that will eventually become our very own library and dining room. As a child I was never into the Moomintroll books but my husband bought one last year and I was totally captivated. They're such simple, funny (lol and rol - read out loud), heartwarming books and the illustrations are intensely detailed eye-magnets. You can read a whole chapter from one of the books here. I also tracked down a large picture book which is full of Tove Jansson illustrations in glorious technicolour exactly like the one on the cover and just opening it up brightens the darkest of days. If you're like me and have a deep-seated affection for islands, grandmothers and deceptively innocent prose-like books where nothing (and everything) happens you will love Tove's adult book, A Summer Book. And one day I *will* be going on a pilgrimage by steamboat to here and getting my face painted with moomin characters while I make my own pancake ~ and I know that I could be most contented living in a house like this.

i-Friday ~ Fragile ~

'Cat Algebra'

When we were thinking of acquiring some kittens I remember reading that you should imagine having a toddler that could fly around the room. Our darling cats have wings aplenty and over the few years we've had them they've managed to break my favourite vase, some plates, glasses and a bottle of wine (they did that one in the middle of the night so we had to clear up what looked like a red wine lake while we were half asleep) and still they manage to have such looks of innocence on their little faces, like they had nothing to do with it ... must have been some freak indoor mini-tornado or summat. They also like to chomp on any flowers or plants that are brought into the house, so on the few occassions we've had some they end up on display in the bathroom because that's the only room they can't break into! This quickie bit of art is china white charcoal on a background of violet acrylic paint (it would have been black to represent a blackboard if I owned that colour or had better paintshop skills!).

This week's topic was quite apt for me because I've been feeling very fragile. I've got a job interview tomorrow for a job that I *reeeealllly* want to get and preparing for the interview and presentation I have to do (as if having an interview isn't stressful enough!) brings up all those self doubts and fears that they won't see me for the model employee I am ;-) Although I'm still very butterfly stomachy and can't wait for the whole ordeal to be over I'm starting to feel like I'll be reasonably well prepared by the time I walk in there and the job is pretty much my dream job and I have all the skills they need so there's no reason why I don't stand a good chance of getting it ... and then my monkey mind kicks in ~ ~ they've already got someone lined up for it so you're wasting your time ~ ~ you'll go there and then blow it by admitting that you're messy and disorganised and need deadlines and constant encouragement to motivate you ~ ~ you'll come across as either overfamiliar and unprofessional or superior and unapproachable ~ ~ or they'll hate you for a million other reasons that are all within your control ~ ~ in short, you'll screw up and then keep replaying your screw up over and over and over again in your head ~ ~ Then when I've tortured myself for long enough my more rational, soothing side finally gets its butt in gear and reassures me that I have every chance of getting the job and even if someone else was lined up for it I could still get it and anyway the interview experience will prove invaluable even if I don't get it ... and so on. Unfortunately I take more notice of monkey mind than my rational self (who always ends up sounding like my mum or a well-meaning friend who is blind to the realities of the situation) but at the end of the day the only way to get through this without getting scared and going awol is to keep preparing myself for the interview so monkey mind can't tell me I didn't get the job because I was too busy procrastinating and then go there tomorrow and try to be myself (or rather the best public version of me). At times like this I have a strong desire to hibernate or disappear but I find that if I keep breathing and edge forward then I find myself coming out the other side unscathed, a tiny bit braver and wondering what all the fuss was about.

Monkey mind also had a field day when he (yeah, my monkey mind's male, a bit like the annoying younger brother I never had, go figure) found out that Illo Friday was going to be closing earlier this week. Given that I've been late submitting for the last 2 weeks he started chirping away that it had all been changed because my art was so bad and they knew that changing to Friday as the closing day would mean I'd never get round to doing it. I explained to monkey mind that he sounded like an ego-maniac who thought the whole universe revolved around him ... he soon shut up after that. I didn't think I'd be posting this week because my entries take quite a while and did I mention that I'm tied up with getting ready for an interview (not that you'd guess from the length of this entry!). My original idea was one that was sparked by this quote I found:
"Marriage is tough, because it is woven of all these various elements, the weak and the strong. "In love-ness" is fragile for it is woven only with the gossamer threads of beauty. It seems to me absurd to talk about "happy" and "unhappy" marriages."
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh
I'm still planning to do something with it at the weekend so I'll add it here when it's done. I've also got some photos of our cats misbehaving just in case you don't believe my cat formula but the PC that we upload our photos to is misbehaving so that will have to wait.
Anyhoo back to interview preparation for me ... "Please can you tell us what your main weakness is" ... "Well I'm really untidy and I worry and overanalyse *everything* ... now, when would you like me to start working for you?"

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30th April - Finally able to post photos again so here's the photo that proves my formula:

'Wendel the Mathmetician'
... See, Wendel's even trying to eat the flowers in my painting!

Expired Graffiti

'Seen the news recently hotshot?'

Here is another piece of graffiti that's on a wall not too far from our house which always makes me chuckle internally. The Poll Tax (aka Community Charge) was a staggeringly unpopular form of local taxation that contributed to the downfall of Thatcher and caused huge riots in London. It lasted only 3 years from 1990 to 1993 before it was replaced with the less contentious Council Tax which is still in place today. Poll Tax was a system that (roughly speaking) meant that if you were over 18 yrs old and had a head you had to pay Poll Tax. This meant that households with 4 adults living in it paid shed loads more than the multimillionaire singletons living in their mansions ... there was talk at the time of going back to the 17th Century Window Tax or the earlier Hearth Tax but in the end they went for a property value (or brick location) tax which hasn't caused any riots to date.
... I wonder whether the original 'political artist' of this graffiti ever thinks 'I really must get round to going back and painting over that graffiti' whenever they pay their Council Tax bill.

Some Astrological Inspiration

Well I wouldn't run my life by astrology or anything but I always read my horoscope if I come across it in a newspaper or magazine. A couple of weeks ago I signed up for Rob Brezsny's weekly horoscope and this was my one for this week which arrived last Wednesday:
"VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Shortly after the year 1000, Icelandic Vikings made two sojourns in the land that's now called North America. During the second expedition, one of the brave explorers, Gudrid Thorbjarnardottir, gave birth to a son. Snorri Thorfinnsson became the first European born in the New World. I hereby appoint Snorri to be your patron saint in the coming weeks, Virgo. May he inspire you to beget a brainchild as you acclimate yourself to living in a frontier."

This seemed somewhat serendipitous for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I'd been looking up info on vikings earlier in the day while deciding what to draw for Illustration Friday. Secondly, I'd also had an idea about drawing the patron saint of job seekers (I have a job interview this Friday you see). The thing I particularly like about Rob's newsletter is that there's always some homework to do at the bottom of the newsletter. This week it was:
What would the people who love you best say is the most important thing for you to learn?
I like getting e-mails that make me think more about what's going on inside my head even if I don't actually sit down and physically write something down. If you want a weekly dose of inspirational astrology you can subscribe to Rob's newsletter here.

i-Friday ~ ancient ~

'Fortuna favet fatuis'

Well yes, I know that *technically speaking* it's Sunday rather than Friday but I've been busy with house guests and visiting friends ... peeters out.
So anyhoo - I didn't have a clue what to do for this weeks topic of 'ancient' for illustration friday so I typed 'ancient York' into google and had a dig around t'internet. Boy was it an education ... if you'd asked me what order the Anglo-Saxons, Romans and Vikings invaded York I would have got it completely wrong but thanks to the work of some better informed folks (here) I discovered that the Romans were here first. So I settled on *something Roman* as my subject and kept excavating the web until I came across some stuff about the Roman goddess Fortuna who had an altar built in York in her honour. A quick search in google images for 'Fortuna' unearthed this picture of the lady herself and I was sorted for what to draw. Fortuna (meaning 'she who turns the year turn about') was the goddess of fate who ruled oracles, fate, chance and was the protectress of women who had married only once. She symbolizes the capriciousness of life and luck and kept all men at her feet, the prosperous through fear and the unfortunate through hope. St. Augustine questionned why Fortuna was made a goddess 'since she is so blind that she runs to anybody without distinction, and often passes by her admirers to cling to those who despise her'. For everything you could possibly want to know about Fortuna and fortune in general you should go here.
I decided to make her a bit more ethereal so I gave her gold hair and that makes her my second gold haired bewinged creature but I guess all recovering creatives go through that stage ... don't they? ... right? I got very brave and used *actual paint* on this one rather than relying totally on my watercolour pencils then I embellished it with some jewels and pearls courtesy of the jewellery section of our Argos catalogue :-)
I was completely bewitched by the illustration friday submission from 'Kim's Suitcase' and even started making notes for a story inspired by the characters in her picture ... so inspirational!

Light Blue Through the Lantern Tower

'All Saints Church, York'

I took this photo *mentally* a couple of weeks ago on a clear blue lunchtime walk through York. Then I had the strange experience of seeing my mental photo on Maggie of Merseyside's photoblog ... it's a church in Liverpool rather than York but it has the same peek-through tower. Today the sky was blue again so I took my camera out with me and got the shot I'd been carrying around in my head. In looking on the web to check the name of the church I found out that the octagonal tower was made open-sided so a lantern could be hung there to help travellers find their way to the city (and God, I suppose) at night . You can read more here.